sugar_geisha (sugar_geisha) wrote,

Deranged Bloods

The past few days have been a bit crazy. Long story short - I drove 1.5 hrs away to a beach, OD'd, hid behind a rock so no-one would notice me, watched people surfing, just drifting away in my own head. I didnt think anyone would see me but this guy whose son was surfing found me, called paramedics, got taken to hospital. They put me on a drip because apparently my liver is screwed. I had to have 3 bags of IV crap, parvolex, to try and clean my liver of the paracetamol. The parvolex makes you puke your guts up, so I spent 24 puking, I had to have 2 anti-sickness injections to stop me throwing up, especially as there was nothing in my tummy to throw up - bile... yum... I got so pissed off with being there because the last bag was supposed to go in over 16 hrs and that would take me to 9pm last nite so I said that was ok I would stay but then I was going home. The Dr said I wasnt going home as I needed a blood test the next morning. I told them Im not staying another night just for a fucking blood test. They got all pissy and started saying my bloods were really messed up and my liver is really damaged and how I had to stay so I said I would just discharge myself. I signed a waiver to say Im refusing medical treatment and that if I drop dead I wont sue them, pulled the IV from my arm because the last bag hadnt finished and left! So they told me (exact words!) that my blood is DERANGED! HOW FUCKING FUNNY IS THAT! I have DERANGED blood!! LOL So yea, I puked my guts up the whole night in hospital and now Im home, I still feel a little ill but nothing major. They told me they are very concerned for my health. Mummy isnt speaking to me, she is SO pissed off that I signed that form and left, I cant believe she is pissed at that tho like hello I od'd, ie tried to kill myself, therefore why would I give a fuck about my actual health, deranged blood, screwed liver?!?!?!?!? SERIOUSLY!! So yea I am hated because I am evil and selfish and only think about myself and blah blah blah WHAT THE FUCK EVER.
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Oh fuck. Petal, I don't actually have a clue what to say cos anything I say will be woefully inadequate. I'm sorry things got so bad for you. To be honest I think the doctors should be a WEE bit more worried about your motives behind the OD (uhh, wanting to die - KINDA SERIOUS?!) than your "deranged" blood (I'm sorry I can't help but find a certain amount of black humour in that - imagining your wee red blood cells lepping about in strait-jackets going "WOOOOOOOOOOOOPWOOPWOOP!!!" - god I'm a mentalist, sorry!)

Are you on any antidepressants, petal? (Might sounds like a stupid question!) Fluoxetine is working really well for me :-)

I know we don't know each other really, but email me ( or text/ring me (07933687809) anytime if you wanna talk - I can't obviously can't understand what you are going through, but I've experienced suicidal depression, so I might have a vague comprehension. And I really want to help in any way I can *hugs*

Love, El
Thanks for your reply sweetie, I appreciate it. Im on seroquel which is SUPPOSED to stabilise my moods, Ive been on fluoxetine before and it didnt do anything because I don't have depression. The seroquel WAS working and then stopped, they increased my dose but it still isnt doing anything. Apparently (after numerous google searches!) deranged bloods IS a real medical thing! Which I find hilarious - yes I have the black humour too!) it means I have severe liver necrosis. I found this while searching which again, black humour, made me laugh

"Fatal massive hepatic necrosis following acetaminophen overdose

B. McJunkin, K. W. Barwick, W. C. Little and J. B. Winfield

A young woman ingested approximately 13 gm of an over-the-counter acetaminophen preparation and died seven days later in profound coma. Postmortem findings included massive centrilobular hepatic necrosis and renal tubular necrosis."

I had way more than 13gms of it so I could drop dead within the next week!

I have an appt with my psych (well technically with his SHO) tomorrow morning but they are limited in what they can actually do because they wont put me on the ward because wards are bad for borderline patients so they cant actually DO anything for me - NHS = FUCKED. I think the psychiatric assessment I had at Causeway the main thing that worried them was the fact that I actually DROVE up there with the intent, its like the whole preplanned murder things ya know where you have actually thought about it before doing it where it isnt a rash decision, thats what they were worried about. I think Im just waffling now!
I will send you a text so you have my number too just because one can never have too many friends!
Holy shit! :( I can't believe this!

What about D, Eve? There's more to life than this :/ I can guess your mum is angry because all she wants more than anything is for you to get help, to stop punishing yourself, and simply enjoy your life, just like the rest of us, yet you keep fighting against it. Anger is a by-product of being deeply upset and hurt. It hurts to watch you doing this and feeling completely helpless. Everyone has a lot of love for you.

By all means, tell me to fuck off if you want. I know we aren't close or anything but I have always genuinely liked you and D and I am glad I met you, you're both wonderful.

Please, please, take care xox


May 23 2007, 18:44:30 UTC 9 years ago

Is it illegal to purchase a gun in Ireland? Because really, that's the only way to go. If you're actually serious, of course.
If you ever read this. I have experienced parvolex before, it's a pile of poo, but i was only sick on the firt run, thank god. x
I hope your ok now.x