sugar_geisha (sugar_geisha) wrote,
sugar_geisha
sugar_geisha

Too low, Too far, Too deep.

I feel like shit. I felt like shit when I woke up, you know that low, gnawing feeling in your tummy. Well that's how I felt. I was trying to decide whether to fast or restrict today. It was too hard a decision to make. I didn't even want to get dressed but I thought I could get a Starbucks while I made up my mind. So I forced myself into some clothes (reluctantly) and set off down the street. Now Starbucks is only about 1 minute walk from my front door, if even that far. I stopped at the newsagents to see if there were any new magazines in and I ran into a friend I haven't seen in nearly a year. Leo works at a chinese restaurant I used to frequent. We chitchatted for a couple of mins before he said "You look so much better since the last time I saw you, your face has filled out so much you have put on a good bit of weight, it looks good on you" *cue ground opening* *dives into hole in the ground FOREVER. I am devastated. As if I didn't feel crap enough to begin with, as if I didn't KNOW how OBESE I look right now... I'm just too low, too far, too deep to get out. I can't deal with this, not now, not ever. It's just too much.
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