sugar_geisha (sugar_geisha) wrote,
sugar_geisha
sugar_geisha

Nothing is acceptable

I had a sudden realisation today, a realisation that scared me. I was trying to decide if I was fasting today or not. I had 2 bowls of cereal yesterday. It dawned on me no matter what foods I put to myself to be eaten were dismissed. I was told no time and time again. The more I questioned myself the more I realised that I didnt know what my safe foods were anymore, or if I have any at all. Nothing was acceptable, nothing was ok. Every food is unsafe. Everything is unsafe. Liquids are ok, food is not. Not even liquid foods were safe. This sorta scared me, not in a way that makes me want to recover but in a way that I might actually see my limits. I might find out how low I really can go. In a way that I will see what I look like at my lw. It feels achievable, reachable. I feel strong, empty, determined. I don't think I will be able to eat today. There is nothing acceptable. Nothing.
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